One of my most favorite people in the world, Tara Copeland Eastwick, is about to have her first baby. So I’ve decided to write a series of posts about all those things you just have no clue about the first time around. The whole pregnancy you are consumed with worry about delivery and what is going on with your body. And yes, that is important, but I spent zero time preparing for once the baby arrived. (Actually, I know that Tara has done far more than me already). I never babysat much, most of my friends didn’t have kids and if they did I wasn’t around them. I didn’t even take the breast feeding class (it’s natural, why do you need a class? Woah boy – did I regret that). So, hopefully this will offer some insight for new moms and a reminder to seasoned moms of what it’s like to have a newborn.
Breast Feeding and the Remote
I know you are getting a ton of advice right now, but if there is nothing else you remember, do remember this. Before you sit down to nurse your newborn, make sure the TV remote is right next to you because your ass is gonna be macramed to that chair for the next hour. You may start out watching the Today show, but by the time the hour long nursing session has ended, you are well into Hoda and Kathie Lee. OMG – this totally happened to me all the time! The remote, was on the dresser by the TV, way out of reach. There was no way I was standing up because once that baby latches on, you really can’t move. It’s not worth the risk of the baby becoming unlatched and having to go through the whole latching process again (which can take a LONG time). I got to the point where my body froze up once he latched and if there was any shifting needed, it had to be made in slow, smooth motions all whilst cradling a newborn in my arms – it takes both arms to cradle- which, by the way, gives you carpal tunnel. Usually I was too scared to move, so I would hold my body for an hour or more in contorted, cramping positions just to make it through.
So Dads, this is on you too. Make sure she has all she needs before you walk out the door. Moms have to remember a hundred things for each nursing session (which I had like 12 a day for the first few months): my breast friend, nursing stool, burpees, extra pillows, nipple cream, the baby. That took all of my energy to remember. Then I was holding my sweet baby, he was latched and I could finally relax (as much as one can in a stiff, uncomfortable position). I looked up and Kathie Lee was on TV and the remote was WAY over there. So, of course, it was Craig’s fault for leaving without bringing me the remote. Breastfeeding is sweet and all. I really do mean that. I LOVED breastfeeding even though I had a lot of misery because of it. But once that first minute, minute and half of awwww is over, you need some TV. You can’t talk on the phone. You can’t use the computer. Can’t look through a magazine. The only parts of your body that you can move while nursing are your eyes…and your uterus because it naturally contracts while you nurse – neat fact, right? So please, for the love of God, keep that remote close to you. In a way, your life depends on it. You’re welcome