All posts tagged mom

I probably had it coming…



What with all my catering to his every need since the day he was born and all. Yeah, I deserved this.

You should see the other guy.

Oops, did that hurt? Now read me a story old lady!

“Oops, did that hurt? Now read me a story old lady!”

Being a mom is dangerous..

You want a piece of me?

You want a piece of me?

Does this eye bruise make me look fat?IMG_3437 Is this a rite of passage as a mother to two boys? My first black eye?

It was an accident.

Here’s what happened. The boys love it when I play this game with them where I push them down on the bed hard. They just try to sit up. I push them down on the pillow. They laugh and laugh, “Again Mommy! Again!”. Pretty simple. Usually harmless. A bit unorthodox. So, we were having a lazy afternoon lie in the bed. We were about to get up to go swim at our neighbor’s pool and we started playing that game. Henry was next to me and Carter next to him. They took turns sitting up and then I pushed them down. Eventually, the game ended…or so I thought. I was lying there with my head on the pillow reading to Carter when I got blind sided by Henry lunging himself backward onto my face. It HURT. Like real bad it hurt. Like I shot up and said, “Henry! Oh My God!” and just held my face in a pillow saying “Oh My God! Oh my God” over and over for at least a minute. I was waiting for the pain to subside and it took way longer than usual (because I do get hit or rammed once a day or so). By the way, Henry was totally fine. I felt a goose egg on the back of his head, but he didn’t seem affected by that. He’s still in that “two year old sociopathic phase” where he feels no one else’s pain. All he said was, “Read to me!” Sweet Carter took control, “It’s ok mommy. Take deep breaths. I’ll go get an ice pack.” He went down stairs. He came back with those giant hard plastic ice packs for the cooler. “The Spiderman one Carter!”. I went into the bathroom and saw my face. “MY Face! My Fortune!” No, I was not cracking wise anymore. I started to cry. The pain was gone, but I cried anyway because I was bleeding from my face(!) and it swelled up like Tina Turner’s after that hotel fight with Ike. Ok, not that bad, but at the time, I was very hyperbolic.

I facetimed Craig. He gasped! “you may need stitches.” More crying from me. “My modeling career!”(hardeeharhar…mmmm…Hardee’s…FriscoBurger). Then I called our neighbor who we were supposed to swim with. Lucky for me, she and her husband are doctors – yay! They are very kind to allow me to sometimes overuse them as my personal physician since Doug Kwon (my previous personal physician/male bridal attendant/MDPhD in Molecular Immunology/AIDS research friend who has his own lab at HARVARD – yes, HARVARD!) lives in Boston. Seriously, it was such a relief to have them look me over and apply the bandage. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you Martha & Danny!

And that’s it. Whole story. My husband doesn’t hit me. I didn’t have a car accident. I didn’t fall down drunk anywhere. It was just an accident that looks way worse than it seems like it should. Actually, it didn’t look that bad after the first day. It just looked like I had a LOT of purple eye shadow on one eye and some crazy eye liner. I could have just gone to the MAC counter and had them do the other eye the same way and no one would notice. Gradually though, it has gotten worse. Here’s the progression:

We immediately put the matter behind us. Easy to do since he still hasn’t noticed anything different about my face or the fact that he had anything to do with it.

My Little Ike Turner

My Little Ike Turner

Mom Camp

on the top of the Empire State Building. How can I top this?

on the top of the Empire State Building. How can I top this?

I have been a little terrified about this summer. We are went away for the first week and now we are home. We will just be here. Hot and grumpy all summer long. I want them to do camp, but not every week or even every other week. It’s too expensive for one and I want them to have a break from getting up and having to go somewhere every day. So I’ve been pinning all kinds of ideas on pinterest and I’ve come up with what will hopefully be a fun and productive summer!

I used the Power of Moms blog post as a guide. First, I gave the boys a plan for every day of the week.
“Make it Monday” – We will make something that day. I’ve pinned tons of crafts like rocket ships, jet packs, stepping stones, etc.. Last week, we made hand prints in clay. (check out my pinterest page for ideas)
Travel Tuesday – We will visit some place like the Children’s Museum or grandmas.
Wet Wednesday – Pool, splash pad, water park (if I can find one).
Thinking Thursdays – We will go to a library or museum and research something based on our weekly theme.
Fun Fridays –  Whatever they want!

2. Weekly themes. We  chose a theme to focus on each week. Then every day after lunch we will do an activity around each theme. We have Outer Space week, Art Week, Theater Week, USA week (4th of July). For example, on Outer Space week,  we will make a rocket ship (found it here) and watch a video of rockets launching. Maybe will make a mobile of the planets too, if we have time. We will also go to the Natural History museum and learn about the planets on “Thinking Thursday”. The other days don’t have to fit into our theme, but it’s fine if they do.

Other Weekly Themes:
Art Week – we will visit the High Museum of Art, make a self portrait, work with Water colors, make stepping stones for outside out of cement
Trains Week – we will ride the subway, visit the Train Museum in Duluth, play trains 🙂 and read a book about trains.
Theater Week – we will go see a puppet show or a children’s play, write our own little play, do a puppet show and play some improv games.

3. A schedule. I remember my summers of just lazing the days away watching copious amounts of TV and eating lots of Doritos and bean dip. While I enjoyed that sloth life, I don’t think it was necessarily a good thing for me. So we have to keep a bit of a schedule. We’ve already talked about it. We get up whenever we wake up (so 7 for them, sigh). Eat breakfast and then do our chores and daily activities.
4. Daily Chores are 1. make bed 2. put clothes away 3. get dressed/brush teeth 4. Feed Lucy. After chores we get to do one of our daily activies “activity”.
Weekly Chores
Each day we will complete one of our weekly household chores.
Monday is sweep the porch. Tuesday is tend the garden. Wednesday is dusting. Thursday is give the dog a bath day. And Friday is laundry day. I seriously doubt we will do these every week (especially bathe the dog), but every other would be a good thing.

Goals – I have set some tentative goals for the boys as well.
Writing: Carter (5) is always reluctant to write. I don’t want him to spend the whole summer not working on it, so 5 minutes of writing time a day. Henry (3) loves to write so that will be fun for him to draw or write too.
Reading: Carter(5)will read one Bob book (these are excellent learning to read books) a day and I will read a story to both at least once a day.
Bike: Carter’s goal for the end of the summer is riding his bike without training wheels. For Henry, it was riding his tricycle. We will also spend some morning time practicing a sport – soccer, baseball, tennis, frisbee whatever they want. They can also use this time to play a board game if they like

Carter is so into this. He loves a schedule. It was getting late on Monday and he said, “we haven’t made anything yet and it’s a make it Monday”! We went swimming on a Thursday and he said, “but it’s not a wet Wednesday”. It gives them something to look forward to and makes them feel secure to have a plan, I think. It’s great for me to not be struggling to come up with an activity every day or to be asked every day if we can go to the pool. Hope this helps y’all!  Have a great summer!!!!

I had some friends over for dinner and I kept offering them raw onions.  They said, “no”, but I kept offering.  What is wrong with me?  Who likes extra raw onions on anything and why can’t I just take ‘no’ for an answer?  I’m scared.  This is so something my mom would do.

There will be blood! – New Mom Series

If you are a dude, stop reading now.

You lucky new moms get to walk around the hospital in a pair of these!!!

You lucky new moms get to walk around the hospital in a pair of these!!!

Ever have heavy flow? Maybe you always had heavy periods and needed extra super duper tampons or maximum strength maxi pads with that blue stuff that prevents leaks like they show you in commercials. Well, hang onto your effing hat* because you have never seen anything like the blood bath that occurs postpartum. You’ve probably heard about the sexy, mesh, granny panties they give you in the hospital. Maybe you are a thong wearer and would never dream of wearing such an atrocious undergarment. Maybe you need to check yourself. Those underpants, while ridiculous, are pretty much your best option for not ruining everything you sit on or near. The sanitary napkins they give you in the hospital are like maxi pads for an elephant. Use them. Are they comfortable? Not in the slightest. Are they sexy? Absolutely not. But girl, at this point, you just don’t have the time to spend cleaning up blood stains all over the place. You have a baby now that has to be nursed for an hour 12 times a day. That’s HALF the day. The rest of the day is spent dealing with the pain from whatever hell happened to you in the delivery room (hopefully just a small tear, but still), eating and hopefully sleeping.  I had a friend who just went ahead and brought Depends into the hospital. Not a bad idea at all, if you ask me. The good news is, the second go ’round, far, far less blood. The bad news is, the plasmatic explosion can last for a few weeks.

It’s really quite awful, the postpartum experience. Almost as soon as you deliver, they want you to pee on command. It had been like a half hour since I squeezed a 7 lb 15 oz person out my “in” hole and they threatened me with a catheter if I didn’t produce some tee tee toot sweet. I was in no mood.  I was like, “Oh yeah? I’d like to see you try to bring a catheter anywhere near me.” I was still basking in the after glow of delivery and our first semi-successful nursing experience when they forced me up, out of bed and into the cold bathroom to SIT! (believe me, you won’t be able to sit) or rather hunker over the potty and try to force myself to pee. I had not had anything to drink for 11 hours.  How could I possibly pee? This was back in the day, way back in 2009, when they didn’t allow you to drink water while laboring (THAT WAS A THING!). I could only eat ice chips! I have never known a thirst like that. Plus I was hot as a fire cracker during the entire delivery. Poor Craig just had to keep putting ice cold rags all over my body at my insistence and I still never felt cool. If you take nothing away from this blog post, please, for the love of GOD, remember this.  You have GOT to bring lip balm! Have back ups! Not since that plane crashed in the Andes mountains in the movie “Alive!” has lip balm been more vital.

After the first horrible night with your new postpartum self, you will start to get used to the way you feel. God made babies so wonderful to reward moms for the horror of child birth and the postpartum experience. Then, a day or so later, they will send you home with your baby, which is the scariest feeling you have ever felt. The hospital will give you a little gift bag with fun stuff like a SITZ bath (oo, sounds luxurious, right? bwahahahaha!), a little squirt bottle to wash your vajayjay with, more of those lovely pads and a house-breaking wee wee pad which you will have to take with you every time you move to a different seat in your house. WIN!  This humiliating  part will be over soon enough. There will be good times.  There will be bad times.  And most assuredly, there will be blood.

p.s. I found a few good lists of items to bring with you here and some postpartum luxuries here.  I would definitely recommend a boppy/my breast friend, and a spray bottle so your hubby can mist you during delivery.

p.s.s. Oh yeah and you may get hemorrhoids!  yay!

*line completely ripped off from SNL, Tina Fey “Annuale” fake ad.