All posts tagged kids

Red Baroned

Screen shot 2014-08-04 at 8.09.28 AM(this blog post to be read in the voice of Keith Morrison because “Dateline” was on while I was writing it.) If there is one thing Hayden has learned as a parent, it is if you smell a bad smell there is always a source. Do not stop until you find that source because if you wait….you just might get…..RED BARRONED(insert gutteral “mmmhmmm” Keith Morrison noise for curiosity here).  On Monday, Hayden went grocery shopping. She bought all of the essentials, milk, eggs, bread and……Red Baron frozen cheese pizza.  She is an earth lover, so she brought her own bags to the store and they were filled with her family’s food for the week.

Hayden got home that hot afternoon in Georgia, unloaded the groceries and went about her little life, but something was different (“mmmhmmmm”).  On Tuesday, it was lovely out and she rode around in her Honda Odyssey with the windows down, her two boys happily singing along with Elton John’s “Someone Saved my life Tonight”. At one point she thought something smelled funny in the van, but figured it was outside. On Wednesday it was hot out. Very hot.  Hayden thought she smelled a strange smell, like Italian food in the car, but they hadn’t been out to eat so she knew there couldn’t be a box of left overs anywhere (insert Keith Morrison “Ahhha” sound here). On Thursday her dutiful husband, Craig took the car to get cleaned and it came back looking wonderful, but still a faint odor of lasagna remained. On Friday, Craig, who has a very reliable nose, still smelled the offensive smell. He searched all over the car, through the storage box in the front, the cool box, even under the children’s car seats. Then he went to the trunk and what he found would haunt his olfactories for the rest of his life.  Inside a Trader Joe’s grocery bag for cold stuff was something unbelievable (mmmhhhmmmm).  Inside was (pause for dramatic effect) the Red Baron frozen pizza Hayden had purchased on Monday. All week long it sat in the hot van, roasting, stinking, sweating, losing it’s artificial sheen.  It was the only thing in that one bag, so, of course she missed it! A frozen pizza is flat and the same shape as the bag. Who puts one thing in a bag when you buy $200 worth of groceries? No one, that’s who.  And yet, on that blistering hot day in Atlanta, someone did. Oh they did. (ahhhhha)

The moral of the story: whenever there is a smell, there is always a source. Never stop looking. (this is also true for poop smells).  Hayden learned this lesson all too well (mmmmhhhhmmmm).Screen shot 2014-08-04 at 8.12.46 AM

Mom Camp

on the top of the Empire State Building. How can I top this?

on the top of the Empire State Building. How can I top this?

I have been a little terrified about this summer. We are went away for the first week and now we are home. We will just be here. Hot and grumpy all summer long. I want them to do camp, but not every week or even every other week. It’s too expensive for one and I want them to have a break from getting up and having to go somewhere every day. So I’ve been pinning all kinds of ideas on pinterest and I’ve come up with what will hopefully be a fun and productive summer!

I used the Power of Moms blog post as a guide. First, I gave the boys a plan for every day of the week.
“Make it Monday” – We will make something that day. I’ve pinned tons of crafts like rocket ships, jet packs, stepping stones, etc.. Last week, we made hand prints in clay. (check out my pinterest page for ideas)
Travel Tuesday – We will visit some place like the Children’s Museum or grandmas.
Wet Wednesday – Pool, splash pad, water park (if I can find one).
Thinking Thursdays – We will go to a library or museum and research something based on our weekly theme.
Fun Fridays –  Whatever they want!

2. Weekly themes. We  chose a theme to focus on each week. Then every day after lunch we will do an activity around each theme. We have Outer Space week, Art Week, Theater Week, USA week (4th of July). For example, on Outer Space week,  we will make a rocket ship (found it here) and watch a video of rockets launching. Maybe will make a mobile of the planets too, if we have time. We will also go to the Natural History museum and learn about the planets on “Thinking Thursday”. The other days don’t have to fit into our theme, but it’s fine if they do.

Other Weekly Themes:
Art Week – we will visit the High Museum of Art, make a self portrait, work with Water colors, make stepping stones for outside out of cement
Trains Week – we will ride the subway, visit the Train Museum in Duluth, play trains 🙂 and read a book about trains.
Theater Week – we will go see a puppet show or a children’s play, write our own little play, do a puppet show and play some improv games.

3. A schedule. I remember my summers of just lazing the days away watching copious amounts of TV and eating lots of Doritos and bean dip. While I enjoyed that sloth life, I don’t think it was necessarily a good thing for me. So we have to keep a bit of a schedule. We’ve already talked about it. We get up whenever we wake up (so 7 for them, sigh). Eat breakfast and then do our chores and daily activities.
4. Daily Chores are 1. make bed 2. put clothes away 3. get dressed/brush teeth 4. Feed Lucy. After chores we get to do one of our daily activies “activity”.
Weekly Chores
Each day we will complete one of our weekly household chores.
Monday is sweep the porch. Tuesday is tend the garden. Wednesday is dusting. Thursday is give the dog a bath day. And Friday is laundry day. I seriously doubt we will do these every week (especially bathe the dog), but every other would be a good thing.

Goals – I have set some tentative goals for the boys as well.
Writing: Carter (5) is always reluctant to write. I don’t want him to spend the whole summer not working on it, so 5 minutes of writing time a day. Henry (3) loves to write so that will be fun for him to draw or write too.
Reading: Carter(5)will read one Bob book (these are excellent learning to read books) a day and I will read a story to both at least once a day.
Bike: Carter’s goal for the end of the summer is riding his bike without training wheels. For Henry, it was riding his tricycle. We will also spend some morning time practicing a sport – soccer, baseball, tennis, frisbee whatever they want. They can also use this time to play a board game if they like

Carter is so into this. He loves a schedule. It was getting late on Monday and he said, “we haven’t made anything yet and it’s a make it Monday”! We went swimming on a Thursday and he said, “but it’s not a wet Wednesday”. It gives them something to look forward to and makes them feel secure to have a plan, I think. It’s great for me to not be struggling to come up with an activity every day or to be asked every day if we can go to the pool. Hope this helps y’all!  Have a great summer!!!!

A minivan is just a roomier hearse. Your life is over now that you have kids. Drive a car that reflects that.


one is the loneliest crafter

the turkey of marriage equality

the turkey of marriage equality

So far I have made several hand turkeys. One with crayons, one with dried beans, one with paint. I have also made a turkey out of a toilet paper roll. My children have made zero turkeys (except Henry sort of made one, but really my mom did it). I pin all sorts of crafts for every occasion on pinterest. I save toilet paper rolls, egg cartons, jars, pine cones, scrap paper, even fallen leaves in hopes of one day making any of these “15 Fabulous Fall Leaf Crafts” . I set up nice little crafting stations with beans and multi-colored dry pasta neatly arranged. Henry and Carter have no interest.

"wow mom. You really organized those beans in a way that inspired me to create," said Carter never.

“wow mom. You really organized those beans in a way that inspired me to create,” said Carter never.

See the turkey I made with beans above.  Sigh. I will not be deterred.  We will make reindeer out of clothes pins and snow men out of cotton balls!  More likely, I will make those things, but it’s gonna happen.

Can I have some food? Can I have bacon?

Henry (2), at snack time

Happy Halloween Dick and Jane – oh no! Something is terribly wrong!

Oh, sweet. Sally is going to clean her room. What a good girl.

Uh Oh.  Sally.

Uh Oh. Sally.

Holy crap Sally! Get out of there!


Seriously Dick and Jane – COME HELP HER! There is a vampire under her bed.


Of course, when they come in, he’s gone. But we all saw it, right?
Of course, when they come in, but we all saw it.  Right?

Oh sh*tballs. Sally will never sleep again.

Oh, Jane is going out for a walk.
Oh, this is sweet.

Oh, this is sweet.

What a lovely place for a walk. go outside and play Holy Crap!
Oh No!!!  This is creepy!

Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger!

Run Jane Run!
Run Jane! Run!!

Forget the flowers Jane!

Well, Jane must be dead now. I mean, you can’t outrun a vampire.
Oh no, not poor Sally again.

Oh no, not poor Sally again.

Oh, Sally’s back, but she looks shaken.
Do not eat that Sally!

Do not eat that Sally!

Oh Man. Sally is going to need a LOT of therapy. Possibly shock treatments.
Huh?  Do they not notice is ghostly pallour?

Huh? Do they not notice is ghostly pallour?

Once again, they will all claim they don’t see the vampire and Sally will be dismissed as a child making things up for attention. Hey, but Jane’s alive. That’s a relief.
WHAT is going on here?  Is she blind?  Does she not see the vampire standing right next to her?  I thought getting the mom involved would be a good thing.  This is like Lost Boys!

WHAT is going on here? Is she blind? Does she not see the vampire standing right next to her? I thought getting the mom involved would be a good thing. This is like Lost Boys!

Woah – I am like floored by what is happening here. Is mom a vampire? Or a fanger? (yeah, I watch True Blood)

So, I found this in the children’s section at our public library

Umm, what?

Umm, what?