(this blog post to be read in the voice of Keith Morrison because “Dateline” was on while I was writing it.) If there is one thing Hayden has learned as a parent, it is if you smell a bad smell there is always a source. Do not stop until you find that source because if you wait….you just might get…..RED BARRONED(insert gutteral “mmmhmmm” Keith Morrison noise for curiosity here). On Monday, Hayden went grocery shopping. She bought all of the essentials, milk, eggs, bread and……Red Baron frozen cheese pizza. She is an earth lover, so she brought her own bags to the store and they were filled with her family’s food for the week.
Hayden got home that hot afternoon in Georgia, unloaded the groceries and went about her little life, but something was different (“mmmhmmmm”). On Tuesday, it was lovely out and she rode around in her Honda Odyssey with the windows down, her two boys happily singing along with Elton John’s “Someone Saved my life Tonight”. At one point she thought something smelled funny in the van, but figured it was outside. On Wednesday it was hot out. Very hot. Hayden thought she smelled a strange smell, like Italian food in the car, but they hadn’t been out to eat so she knew there couldn’t be a box of left overs anywhere (insert Keith Morrison “Ahhha” sound here). On Thursday her dutiful husband, Craig took the car to get cleaned and it came back looking wonderful, but still a faint odor of lasagna remained. On Friday, Craig, who has a very reliable nose, still smelled the offensive smell. He searched all over the car, through the storage box in the front, the cool box, even under the children’s car seats. Then he went to the trunk and what he found would haunt his olfactories for the rest of his life. Inside a Trader Joe’s grocery bag for cold stuff was something unbelievable (mmmhhhmmmm). Inside was (pause for dramatic effect) the Red Baron frozen pizza Hayden had purchased on Monday. All week long it sat in the hot van, roasting, stinking, sweating, losing it’s artificial sheen. It was the only thing in that one bag, so, of course she missed it! A frozen pizza is flat and the same shape as the bag. Who puts one thing in a bag when you buy $200 worth of groceries? No one, that’s who. And yet, on that blistering hot day in Atlanta, someone did. Oh they did. (ahhhhha)