All posts in halloween

beautiful mums

The things you own

I woke up this morning and realized that I had a lot of things to deal with that I have been putting off. I often think back to that line in ‘Fight Club’ (because don’t we all refer to ‘Fight Club’ in times of moral uncertainty?), “The things you own, end up owning you.” So true. Here’s what’s owning me today:
1. The half-dead button fern.

"put me out of my misery"

“put me out of my misery”

I’ve been kidding myself for too long about her. Mama said to cut it off and it will grown back, but where do I put it while in that hideous state? If it’s out of sight, then it will never get watered. Same with the dead orchid. Orchids are annuals in my house (First World Problems).

I will never fertilize this

I will never fertilize this

2. Halloween decorations. Craig has pretty much put all of them in a bin waiting for me to seal it and store in the attic. It’s so nice to be married to an anal retentive. So, I gotta do my part and take the bats down so I can put it away. I’m sure Craig thinks it’s really great that I’m taking pictures of these things instead of dealing with them. PROCRASTINATION. Read more…

Candy Corn wins worst Halloween candy again

imageCarter asked for candy corn every day since Oct 1st. I told him he would get some trick or treating. After each house last night, Carter reported back, “they didn’t have candy corn”. He finally got some. I tried to tell him that candy cornĀ is the WORST Halloween candy. To further demonstrate this, I lined his treats up best to worst. I am like a candy expert. There ought to be a job for candy ranking. I would be SVP . I am so good at eating candy and determining its worth. Read more…

Vampire gets punked

vampire punked
Ok, so, the kids are planning something with their mom. Please tell me they are gathering garlic, holy water and wooden stakes.
put these on
Hmmm…they are putting bags on. Maybe they are planning to escape so he and they need to hide.
run vampire run
Nice, turning the tables on Vampire. I did not see that coming.

Vampire: now it’s getting weird

Oh Boy, things are getting weird with vampire.

Oh My God Mom! Do NOT turn around!


Ok, so here it starts to get really weird. First vampire was like a stalker/possible murderer to the family. Now Mom completely accepts and even makes him clothes?!!! mom works And where is dad? Did vampire kill him and now wants to replace him?
WHA?  So, Dad would NOT like this.

WHA? Dad would NOT like this.

What kind of weird, sick, scenario do we have here? So, mom sees Vampire as another child?
Vampire struts

Vampire struts

Oh, I get it. Vampire is a transvestite.

Umm, what?

Happy Halloween Dick and Jane – oh no! Something is terribly wrong!

Oh, sweet. Sally is going to clean her room. What a good girl.

Uh Oh.  Sally.

Uh Oh. Sally.

Holy crap Sally! Get out of there!
CREEPY!!!

CREEPY!!!

Seriously Dick and Jane – COME HELP HER! There is a vampire under her bed.
OMG!  POOR SALLY!

OMG! POOR SALLY!

Of course, when they come in, he’s gone. But we all saw it, right?
Of course, when they come in, but we all saw it.  Right?

Oh sh*tballs. Sally will never sleep again.


Oh, Jane is going out for a walk.
Oh, this is sweet.

Oh, this is sweet.

What a lovely place for a walk. go outside and play Holy Crap!
Oh No!!!  This is creepy!

Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger!

Run Jane Run!
Run Jane! Run!!

Forget the flowers Jane!

Well, Jane must be dead now. I mean, you can’t outrun a vampire.
Oh no, not poor Sally again.

Oh no, not poor Sally again.

Oh, Sally’s back, but she looks shaken.
Do not eat that Sally!

Do not eat that Sally!

Oh Man. Sally is going to need a LOT of therapy. Possibly shock treatments.
Huh?  Do they not notice is ghostly pallour?

Huh? Do they not notice is ghostly pallour?

Once again, they will all claim they don’t see the vampire and Sally will be dismissed as a child making things up for attention. Hey, but Jane’s alive. That’s a relief.
WHAT is going on here?  Is she blind?  Does she not see the vampire standing right next to her?  I thought getting the mom involved would be a good thing.  This is like Lost Boys!

WHAT is going on here? Is she blind? Does she not see the vampire standing right next to her? I thought getting the mom involved would be a good thing. This is like Lost Boys!

Woah – I am like floored by what is happening here. Is mom a vampire? Or a fanger? (yeah, I watch True Blood)

Oh No!

Halloween is coming and I don't have a costume!

Halloween is coming and I don’t have a costume!

So, I found this in the children’s section at our public library

Umm, what?

Umm, what?